(509) sometimes i feel like my life should be an asher roth music video
(509): hey i'm ****** up, i found this number in my phone and i'm thinkin we should party
(253): well im naked
(509) I ran into my boss while buying a case of beer and an arnold palmer...she told me to take it slow, I dunno if that's a challenge or if i should be offended?
(509): The man i was working out next to smelled like sunscreen. I was sweating pure tequila...we might as well have been in Mexico.
(360) haha i know. cows! lab as silly. i phone home now.... ET.
(253)hey can you do me a favor
(509)yeah what is it?
(253)can you take me to the courthouse so I can drop my paperwork off for my MIP and pick me up a fifth of captain mo's?
(360) i feel like someone stole my body last night, got it really drunk, and made it dance all over the place.
(1-360) I bet it was the same person also made you take your shirt off and run around the bar.
(360) yea,h kinda forgot about that one.
(253) - Uh can you tell your girlfriend to put her shirt back on. I'm about as comfortable as a polar bear on a hot summers day.
(425)heyyyyy....can you give my brother a ride home...he is in the hospital from dislocating his shoulder from throwing a case of beer and cant get home since he is blacked out. im too drunk to drive, so is everyone im with
(509)Yeah I can, you do realize this is your teacher
(425)ohhh shitttt, nevermind
(360) Somebody needs to arrest me because I just raped those exams like Ben Roethlisberger.
(509) Dude, I don't know what happened. I woke up at 10:30 PM, not knowing how I got home, and was google image searching cookies
(206): I dont know why she got so pissed . . . all i said was i think its dumb that she would want to pay for "Vajazzling" when i can make her vagina look all shiny for free.
(425): Dude i saw thomas the tank engine and his friends earlier
(425) lmao he just tried to eat a nerf dart...annnnd he just ate it hahaha"
(360) There is no romance in pullman, these fish are swimming in a sea of busch light
(360) There is a midget outside the bar... ca i ask him about Narnia?... i just saw Prince Caspian Chronicles of Narnia... they were angry...
(425) You want to meat up? We can practice our dental skillz a on my kingaroo and after that we can go gargoyl hopping. Then on the next date we will get tattoos of our kids names that were soon to have
(360) Dude. The giraffe's penis is an average of 40 inches in length.
(509) So what are you trying to get a pet giraffe now?
(509) The walk of shame never felt so good knowing she had two miley cyrus posters
(509) Jesus. I'm in this extra credit presentation, and this student has tourettes, and keeps squealing super loud like every 20 seconds. WTF.
(360) HAHAHA I just laughed so hard I had an asthma attack.
(509): Someone just threw a chair through the window
(1-509): so the party is hoppin?
Composed by: Teresa Free
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